we have no control over people, places or things. how do you let go?
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SF Bay Area
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 11:15 AMi find that getting sauced up really helps.
just kidding.
really, isn't it about accepting that you can't control certain things. and what i mean by that is that you can "know" that's the way it is, but *accepting* it is a much harder thing. realizing that holding onto those things you cannot change will only make you bitter has helped me some. but really, it's all just a matter of time and personal growth.
that's my two cents, anyway. -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 11:51 AMheh heh... getting sauced is part of my problem... just kidding. i've done that before, but when you wake up in the morning (with a nasty assed hangover) the problem is still there... so where does that leave us? *sigh*
how do you go about *accepting* things you cannot change? do you believe in 'if you love something set it free"? how come it is so difficult to let go? sometimes i think if i were a robot (with no feelings, no emotions) i would be happier.
do you have an 'ancient chinese secret?" haha
i'm a sick puppy...
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 12:00 PMit's not easy to do. but if you ask yourself the question: is it doing the situation any good by me "controlling it?" or "holding on to it?" if the answer is "no" then what harm would it do to let go? it's scary, i know. but if the situation is going nowhere anyway, why not try something else? there are no sure answers anyway, but in letting go, you may find that all that tension and stress may just let up. you know that saying "let go and let god?" kinda corny and naive, but it's a guaranteed stress buster. :-) -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 12:51 PMlet go and let God makes perfect sense. intellectually. i KNOW in my head that it's the right thing to do.
but how do you "stress bust" and lie in bed at night and be OKAY with things, when your emotions are running like a mouse wheel? i have a psychiatrist, supportive friends, and medication - i vent my feelings, i get support, and yet i still feel so defeatedly 'human'....
how do you 'normies' just manage to let go and not let it eat away at your insides?
help! -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 1:44 PMha...everyone has stress....believe that - it is true and it will help you accept your situation if you must (though we can control/change somethings)....I think the answer to how do you cope is simply: Time...
Get some distance and try to focus on other things :)
My advice is not perfect as I can only guess at what you are talking about.
Happy Thursday! -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 2:21 PM"normies?" not this one.
nikki's advice is great. try to occupy yourself with something else. and truly (yet another seemingly trite statement), TIME will heal things *only* if you let it. there's no instant cure for anything. anything that involves growth will certainly involve pain. there's no getting around that. growing is a painful process. it involves the breaking of bones, tissue, skin, etc. but it's growth, ya know? there's an old buddhist saying: attachment equals pain. i grappled with that for *years* and i'm finally getting it. :-) -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 2:38 PMOnly you can control your own life. Take solace in that fact and nothing else really matters.
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Wed, October 18, 2006 - 1:12 PMHow do you know if the *time spent getting over it* is normal, or if it is becoming an issue?
I've had broken bones, minor surgery, wisdom teeth pulled... and they all hurt and healed, but those are *physical* pains.
"Attachment equals pain".. makes sense. But if you detach, isn't it a put-off for people who you want to get closer to? -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Wed, October 18, 2006 - 1:16 PMI don't think there is "normal". You just need to take the time that *you* need.
And detaching from what hurts you doesn't mean you tune out the world or hold it at bay. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Fri, October 20, 2006 - 1:08 PMThere is no appropriate timetable for emotions, especially love.
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, December 14, 2006 - 12:12 PMI think this question can take you on a journey. I'm struggling with "letting go" as well and it's been a transformative process. The thing about hardship, and we all have it eventually, is that it can teach us so much about true happiness & peace. I know..when people tell you this you want to smack them, because it hurts like freaken hell, and that's no fun. Happiness does not necessarily mean pleasure. Pleasure is based on external circumstances. When pleasure is around, feel it, that's okay, you don't have to be a zombie. Where nonattachment comes is understanding that when pleasure leaves, and it will because everything is impermanent, we let it go. That does not mean we don't feel it. We feel pain like we felt pleasure. We are feeling beings, but know the pain will go too. It is what it is, we experience it, and release it. Whether we want to or not. Clinging to something that is not will cause you suffering. Oh, by the way. I forget this everyday and have to keep relearning it after I have a tantrum. Namaste, Rosemary
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Wed, December 13, 2006 - 6:59 PMI find that dowsing "it" in high test gasolene and putting a match to "it" helps let go really quickly. remember, fire cleanses. Look at all those glam hippies how drive for hours in the middle of hell's half acre just so they can get naked, take a fistfulls of profoundly hallucenogenic drugs while hugging eachother and chanting "welcome home."
and high temerature fires don't leave behind too much trace evidence for the cops to link it back to you.
Oh geez, I've said too much already.
Other tactics - restraining orders. Man, I can't tell you how many times those have come in handy. Settling into a good slut phase is another, (lots of fun, just handle your business. feel me?) booze, already mentioned above by others. I just wanted to add my vote for it. Getting into a fist fight with a gutter hippie on haight - Not as dangerous as you might think and a great way really purge those deamons. not to mention the scars will carry give you ample opportunites to relate the story later in life.
namaste.
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, December 14, 2006 - 11:24 AMYou can always get rid of "it" on eBay Smoove. That is what the TV said and it never lies. -
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Re: what is the best way to let go of what you have no control over?
Thu, December 14, 2006 - 12:41 PMtruth!
E-Bay's a great place to get rid of "it" that or a 5 day course clears "it" right up. which is why I advise extreme caution when embarking of the afore mentioned "slut phase."
wait, what exactly are we talking about?
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